"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."                           Mark 6:31 (NIV)

Kim and I Had an opportunity to vacation in Vermont this month.  Yup, I said Vermont.  I know it's totally strange to think about two citified West coasters going to spend the summer in one of the most rural places on the East coast, but long story short, our good friend Carter Morris was staying out there for the summer to coach tennis and he hooked us up with some pretty nice accommodations.  We stayed on a couple acre plot, in the middle of the country, in this 18th century farm house (thanks Sarah).  It looked something like "Little House on the Prairie" meets "The Color Purple."  I must say, VT was pretty cool. We swam in lakes, swung into rivers off of rope swings (or at least Carter and I did, Kim being pregnant and all) and hiked through these Walden-woodsy type forests, complete with chipmunks and deer. We even went to the Ben and Jerry's factory. I won't lie to you, it was a blast, and it was absolutely beautiful.  Most of all, we got something we both desperately needed--rest.

 It was great to get away to get a chance to get grounded mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually.  Initially we were not going to go because we just felt like we had too much to do. It's funny how sometimes, you don't realize how much you need a break until you take one.  

 Anyway, at one point during the trip, Carter and I got to talking about some of the principles in the game of tennis (a sport I know next to nothing about, aside from the fact that you use a racket to hit a ball, that John McEnroe at one time had some anger issues and Andre Agassi at one time had hair).  However, trying to be a good friend, I listened, and as I did, I realized, yet again, how true it is that you can find a life-metaphor in just about anything.  

 Carter explained that when he coaches people in tennis one of the most frequent mistakes that they tend to make is to fail to really get "grounded."  Instead of positioning themselves well on the court and letting balls come to them, they waste energy chasing balls down unnecessarily and become so exhausted that defeat is almost guaranteed.  He explained how easy it is to allow the ball to play you rather than playing to ball.  He went on to explain that the true power hitters were the ones who understood the principle of being grounded, and actually positioned themselves well and conserved their energy to maximize results.

 Now those of us who know Carter, know he's a pretty straight-up dude, and he wasn't looking to necessarily make any deep or profound spiritual connections with this analogy, he was just "talking shop" so to speak.  But as he spoke, it just dawned on me--how easy it is to allow life to play me instead of me playing it. At times, I can tend to waste my energy chasing down and prioritizing urgent matters instead of grounding myself and being prepared for the important ones that come my way.  Too often I want to take care of situations quickly without first sitting down to really think through how I'm going to accomplish the goal (Luke 14:28) Ultimately, what ends up happening is the inevitable--burnout.

 This past Tuesday, at our midweek service, we talked about the principle of grounding ourselves by deciding to go to God in total reliance, and how vital it is to our spiritual lives to make sure that we are taking the time to actuallydo that.  Sometimes we can convince ourselves that things in life are so urgent that we don't have time for God!  Yet we see something very different being stressed here:

This is what the LORD says: 

       "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, 
       who depends on flesh for his strength 
       and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

 He will be like a bush in the wastelands; 
       he will not see prosperity when it comes. 
       He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, 
       in a salt land where no one lives.

 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, 
       whose confidence is in him.

 He will be like a tree planted by the water 
       that sends out its roots by the stream. 
       It does not fear when heat comes; 
       its leaves are always green. 
       It has no worries in a year of drought 
       and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:5-8 (NIV)

 Sometimes I have to give myself permission to just slow down.  I have to work through the short term thinking and remember that God wants me for the long haul.  A spiritual "burnout" is of no value to the Kingdom. Maybe you're like me in that you have a hard time really valuing the importance of preparation and rest.  Maybe you have convinced yourself that you can go a mile a minute in life, never slowing down to be refreshed, and that it won't eventually take it's toll on you.  It will. Maybe you have become too busy to truly rely on God for your strength.  I dunno, maybe you need to take a vacation.

I guess the point is that whatever the situation, in the long run, it definitely pays to get "grounded."

Thanks for taking the time,

Curtis

As long as I have been alive, I have been an emotional person.  On some levels, being emotionally driven has had it's benefits; helping me to connect deeply with others, having understanding and compassion on some levels, really enjoying the good times in life, etc.  However, the flip-side has been anything but beneficial.  I cringe to think about the past life-situations that I have made a complete mess of because I was lead by my emotions.  It's so convicting to realize the extent of the damage I have done to past relationships because I allowed what I was feeling in the moment to determine my words and actions.  As I get older, I'm starting to accept the fact that "emotional idolatry" is something that I will probably be battling until the day I die.  

  Recently, around the time we first found out we were pregnant, I started praying to God that he help me to "stable out" emotionally.  As I'm sure many of you can attest to in your own lives, God answered that prayer by "turning up the heat" (i.e. creating challenges in which I had to choose not to allow my emotions to take over.)  Within a 1 1/2 month period it seemed like everything was going haywire: my pregnant wife started getting sick every day and was operating at about 40%, leaving me to handle most of the household details, including shopping and meals. I received a call that my mom was ill and, after years of living a self-destructive lifestyle, probably wasn't going to live another month; I had to move her from Orange County to North Hollywood and take over power of attorney. I was essentially betrayed by a close personal friend that I had invested in heavily, had to deal with sudden ministry changes and had a guy I was studying the Bible with, after getting all the way through, decide not to become a Christian.  All the while still trying to work, lead a ministry and stay in Bible studies. Whew!  Not that this was the first time that I had been challenged in life, but that all of these things were happening at once...  You know how it is.  The world doesn't stop spinning just because we're faced with difficulties.  In fact, it almost feels like it spins faster.

In hearing all this, you might be tempted to feel sorry for me, or immediately put the blame on Satan, but don't. This has actually been a great time of character growth for me.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't responded perfectly to every situation every time, but the victory is that I have not allowed the pressure to cave me in.  For a natural born quitter, that's saying a lot.  And sure, Satan, being the opportunist that he is, has tried to get to me, but I really think these challenges have been from God., and he has really tested my limits. I'd be lying to say I haven't been tempted to quit on some level or another, but instead of going with my feelings, more times than not, I have been praying and processing. The principle I'm learning is this: God turns up the heat, but then he walks you through the fire.

Here's what I'm walking away with:

DON'T BE SHOCKED!!!

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. "     1 Peter 4:12-13 (NIV)

Trials and problems and difficulties in relationships and work and family are a necessary part of a spiritual life.  It's funny.  Sometimes I really expect to be able to live as a follower of Jesus without having to go through trials.  Of course, we all need empathy and support when we're going through struggles, but to expect not to have them?  There's a reason why things get tough.  

DON'T BE ROCKED!!!

"At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved."      Mathew 24:12-13 (NIV)

I'm realizing that as long as there are people on earth, there will be many who make bad, self destructive choices.  But just because someone chooses to ruin their own life, doesn't mean they have to ruin mine (see my previous blog on co-dependency).  I don't have to take it personal, but I do have to run my race and continue to love people even though I may not "feel" like it.  At the same time, I'm resolved: I can't spend my time worrying about people who know the truth but choose to ignore it.  Keep it moving!!!

GOD WON'T BE MOCKED!!!

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:7-10 (NIV)

Y'know, God sets certain principles in place and he expects all of us to follow them.  Period.  I can't make anyone follow God.  All I can do is run my race and call others to run theirs.  In fact, I'd better accept the idea that in life, people, circumstances and situations are going to disappoint me--A LOT!!! If I base my joy on any of that, I'm sunk. I can't live my life around my emotions and feelings.  That's not relying on God the way he calls me to.  I think it's cool to realize that God wants my walk to be genuine and not "fair weather."  

Right now, things seem to be stabling out a little.  My wife is doing much better (apparently the first trimester is the roughest for many women), my mom is recovering, her health is improving and she wants to work on her sobriety, my friend has all the resources he needs to deal with his character and will hopefully choose to do so, and their are plenty of people in the singles ministry who are growing and changing and some very cool people coming around who want to study the Bible and become Christians.  

All in all, life is good.  Though I'm sure many more challenges will come, it's good to know that God is right there to help me through all of them.  When the heat is on, the worst thing I can do is give up on God.  Instead of reacting emotionally, I can respond spiritually.  What a thought.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."   Romans 8:28 (NIV)

 Thanks for taking the time,

Curtis

I have lived to thank God that all my prayers have not been answered.

 -Jean Ingelow

 

Only man, among living things, says prayers. Or needs to.

-Peter Bowman

 

 What men usually ask of God when they pray is that two and two not make four.

-Anonymous

 

I pray on the principle that wine knocks the cork out of a bottle. There is an inward fermentation, and there must be a vent.

-Henry Ward Beecher

 

They who have steeped their soul in prayer can every anguish calmly bear.

-Richard M. Milnes

 

Unless I had the spirit of prayer, I could do nothing.

-Charles G. Finney

 

Prayer moves the hand that moves the world.

-John Aikman Wallace

 

Prayer may not change things for you, but it for sure changes you for things.

-Samuel M. Shoemaker

 

By prayer we couple the powers of heaven to our helplessness, the powers which can capture strongholds and make the impossible possible.

-O. Hallesby

 

Today any successful and competent businessman will employ the latest and best-tested methods in production, distribution, and administration, and many are discovering that one of the greatest of all efficiency methods is prayer power.

-Norman Vincent Peale

 

Though we cannot by our prayers give God any information, yet we must by our prayers give him honor.

-Mathew Henry

 

Men of God are always men of prayer.

-Henry T. Mahan

 

All who have walked with God have viewed prayer as the main business of their lives.

-Delma Jackson

 

Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart.

-Ruth Graham

 

Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines.

-Satchel Paige

 

An agnostic found himself in trouble, and a friend suggested he pray. "How can I pray when I do not know whether or not there is a God?" he asked. "If you are lost in the forest," his friend replied, "you do not wait until you find someone before shouting for help."

-Dan Plies

 

Trouble and perplexity drive me to prayer and prayer drives away perplexity and trouble.

-Phillip Melanchthon

 

If we are willing to spend hours on end to learn to play the piano, operate a computer, or fly an airplane, it is sheer nonsense for us to imagine that we can learn the high art of getting guidance through communion with the Lord without being willing to set aside time for it.

-Paul Rees

 

Time spent on the knees in prayer will do more to remedy heart strain and nerve worry than anything else.

-George David Stewart

 

The one concern of the devil is to keep Christians from praying. He fears nothing from prayer-less studies, prayer-less work, and prayer-less religion. He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray.

-Samuel Chadwick

 

No one is a firmer believer in the power of prayer than the devil; not that he practices it, but he suffers from it.

-Guy H. King

 

Prayer is of transcendent importance. Prayer is the mightiest agent to advance God's work. Praying hearts and hands only can do God's work. Prayer succeeds when all else fails.

-E.M. Bounds

 

A day without prayer is a boast against God.

-Owen Carr

 

Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night.

-Thomas Fuller

 

Those who always pray are necessary to those who never pray.

-Victor Hugo

 

Sometimes we think we are too busy to pray. That is a great mistake, for praying is a saving of time.

-Charles Haddon Spurgeon

 

There are no atheists on turbulent airplanes.

-Erica Jong

 

This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.                                                                   

-Jesus

"If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. If you look at God you'll be at rest." — Corrie ten Boom

Continuing from my last entry, I'm sure some of us are coming to some conclusions as to how the whole "codependent" thing might be playing out in our lives.  Here's a little secret--the truth is, most people are codependent to some degree or another.  Obviously, some lean more heavily in that direction than others, but none the less, it's pretty universal.  I mentioned last time that codependency is another word for relational idolatry.  To put it even simpler, codependency is really about fear based control and people pleasing, and who among us hasn't struggled with either of those things at some point in our lives.   Anyway,  I found an article that does a much better job of pointing out a biblical example of codependency than I probably could have come up with on my own, so check it out:

"From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.  What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."

Matthew 16: 21 -28 (TNIV)

When Jesus told the disciples that he was going to have to suffer at the hands of the Sadducees and Pharisees, Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, "This shall never happen to you!"

Jesus turned right around and said , "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Jesus was telling Peter that He needed to look at things from a spiritual perspective rather than a worldly one.

There is often meaning and purpose in struggles and suffering that are best seen from a spiritual prespective. It would have been a far more negative consequence if  would have follwed Peter’s plan rather than staying on course with the destiny that Jesus had waiting for Him. If Peter’s wishes were carried out it would interfere with the development of the great plan of salvation that God was revealing for all those who trust in Jesus.

Peter’s intentions were honorable out of a deep love and respect for the one who he had just recently acknowledged correctly as the Messiah. He did not want to see harm come to his friend and leader and he was willing to go to any length to see to it that none would.  He wanted to stop Jesus from having to experience any pain.  However, to do this would interfere with God's plan; what needed to happen so that Jesus’ mission and purpose would be fulfilled. 

As I look at Peter’s well intentioned love for the master, I am reminded that that there are things in life that I do not want to see my friends and loved ones go through.  Yet, for the sake of allowing them to better understand and appreciate God’s plan and learn life’s valuable lasting lessons, I must get out of the way and let the process happen so that the greater cause can take it’s course.

The mark of a codependent is the desire to be someone else’s controller or "savior" because we believe it to be for their good.  The problem is, when we interfere to save someone from ”the battle,” thinking we might be saving them from something evil, we may actually be enabling evil to continue its course because we did not let our loved one work through the struggle and/or deal with the consequences. 

A butterfly prepares and strengthens itself for flight by struggling through the escape from the cocoon. We can cripple it for life if we “help” it out of its cocoon. Likewise, we must evaluate our decisions to “step in and help out.” We must ask, 
"Why is this happening in the first place? Am I helping for the right reason? What are my motives? 
What will be the long term result of my interference?  Is there actually a benefit for this person (i.e. growth or maturity) if I don’t interfere?  Might something good result if for the individual or for many if I let the person struggle and/or face the consequences of their choices?"

Do you think Peter “got it” that day when Jesus rebuked him? Do you think he understood his codependent nature as a result of that conversation? Do you think he never gave it another thought after that day? I’m not so sure. Look at John 18:10-11. What do you think? I’m thinking even when we are standing right next to Jesus, our own human will can get in way the of recovery.

--Author Unknown

 

In the words of my good friend and mentor "We're all broken; some more than others."

Let's remember that true power is rooted in weakness; in our decision to get real with God and others.

Thanks for taking the time,

Curtis