Could It Be Codependency? Pt. 2

Continuing from my last entry, I'm sure some of us are coming to some conclusions as to how the whole "codependent" thing might be playing out in our lives.  Here's a little secret--the truth is, most people are codependent to some degree or another.  Obviously, some lean more heavily in that direction than others, but none the less, it's pretty universal.  I mentioned last time that codependency is another word for relational idolatry.  To put it even simpler, codependency is really about fear based control and people pleasing, and who among us hasn't struggled with either of those things at some point in our lives.   Anyway,  I found an article that does a much better job of pointing out a biblical example of codependency than I probably could have come up with on my own, so check it out:

"From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.  What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."

Matthew 16: 21 -28 (TNIV)

When Jesus told the disciples that he was going to have to suffer at the hands of the Sadducees and Pharisees, Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, "This shall never happen to you!"

Jesus turned right around and said , "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Jesus was telling Peter that He needed to look at things from a spiritual perspective rather than a worldly one.

There is often meaning and purpose in struggles and suffering that are best seen from a spiritual prespective. It would have been a far more negative consequence if  would have follwed Peter’s plan rather than staying on course with the destiny that Jesus had waiting for Him. If Peter’s wishes were carried out it would interfere with the development of the great plan of salvation that God was revealing for all those who trust in Jesus.

Peter’s intentions were honorable out of a deep love and respect for the one who he had just recently acknowledged correctly as the Messiah. He did not want to see harm come to his friend and leader and he was willing to go to any length to see to it that none would.  He wanted to stop Jesus from having to experience any pain.  However, to do this would interfere with God's plan; what needed to happen so that Jesus’ mission and purpose would be fulfilled. 

As I look at Peter’s well intentioned love for the master, I am reminded that that there are things in life that I do not want to see my friends and loved ones go through.  Yet, for the sake of allowing them to better understand and appreciate God’s plan and learn life’s valuable lasting lessons, I must get out of the way and let the process happen so that the greater cause can take it’s course.

The mark of a codependent is the desire to be someone else’s controller or "savior" because we believe it to be for their good.  The problem is, when we interfere to save someone from ”the battle,” thinking we might be saving them from something evil, we may actually be enabling evil to continue its course because we did not let our loved one work through the struggle and/or deal with the consequences. 

A butterfly prepares and strengthens itself for flight by struggling through the escape from the cocoon. We can cripple it for life if we “help” it out of its cocoon. Likewise, we must evaluate our decisions to “step in and help out.” We must ask, 
"Why is this happening in the first place? Am I helping for the right reason? What are my motives? 
What will be the long term result of my interference?  Is there actually a benefit for this person (i.e. growth or maturity) if I don’t interfere?  Might something good result if for the individual or for many if I let the person struggle and/or face the consequences of their choices?"

Do you think Peter “got it” that day when Jesus rebuked him? Do you think he understood his codependent nature as a result of that conversation? Do you think he never gave it another thought after that day? I’m not so sure. Look at John 18:10-11. What do you think? I’m thinking even when we are standing right next to Jesus, our own human will can get in way the of recovery.

--Author Unknown

In the words of my good friend and mentor "We're all broken; some more than others."

Let's remember that true power is rooted in weakness; in our decision to get real with God and others.

Thanks for taking the time,

Curtis

Comments

[Steve]

Curtis, you're a refreshing voice from Sodom and Gomorrah, I mean LA. Thanks for keepin' it real.